| Romans 6:6-7 "For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." This past weekend we visited Jinja, and since then I've been mulling over not the effects of culture shock or poverty shock, but self shock. It wasn't the little kids begging for money, but my ability to forget them when I went inside for lunch, and my ability to look past them when I got back on the bus. So my question is this: just how much is our old self crucified with Christ? Are we only kind of freed from being slaves to sin? Have we only kind of died with Christ? Is it possible to totally kill oneself, to be free to be a total slave to others? More importantly, would I even have the heart and the guts to do that? This isn't just a theological question, to the extent that any question's able not to be theological. It's also practical. In my law class we were discussing different Christian views on the state. Augustine played with our heads saying first that morality should have nothing to do with the state because government is just about economics, and then saying that there is no difference between a pirate and a navy admiral, unless that difference be seeking justice. And seeking justice, it just can't be self-seeking. It's not a means to an end. Through the process your personal justice would also be sought, but not your privilege. So what is just? Are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness really God-given rights, that when lacking mean a lack of justice? Or are those privileges? In the words of my favorite roomie, IDK. But I knew what I thought I knew I don't know anymore. Good times :) By the way, I actually wrote this with some seeds of joy. Seriousness doesn't equal solemness, as Chesterton would point out! |
Thursday, January 29, 2009
kill myself
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Very thought-provoking post!
ReplyDeleteYou mention being able to forget those kids begging for money when you went inside for lunch, and being able to look past them when you got back on the bus. But did you really forget them? Were they invisible to you? Apparently not.
Remember the story of when Mary Magdalene poured expensive perfume onto Jesus' feet and then wiped his feet with her hair? Judas complained that the perfume should have been sold and the money given to the poor, but Jesus defended Mary and said there will always be poor, but I will not always be here (something like that).
Jesus wasn't callous towards the poor. He was perfectly clear in other contexts about the importance of caring for the poor and outsiders, but not at the exclusion of all other things in all circumstances.
Doing the right thing is not as easy as having a set of right things to do. It's being in touch with the spirit enough to see what is the right thing to do right now, at times when decisions are difficult. There's no simple recipe for living in the spirit, and Judas' mistake was in trying to apply a general rule as an absolute rule, and then to use that dogmatic thinking to attack an inspired, humble act of love towards Christ.
You have a purpose in what you are doing in Uganda. The need to focus on your purpose may sometimes require that you set aside other competing interests and purposes. Only you can know what is right for you, but I think you're right to stay on the path that is set for you by the program you're participating in unless you feel strongly, nearly irresistibly compelled by the spirit to do otherwise.
Sometimes you have to choose one way or another because you are only one person, though multiple ways may have merit and seem right. Then you have to listen for the Holy Spirit and follow what you believe in your heart to be the right direction for you at that moment. You're really just choosing for that moment, because you don't know what the future will bring... what opportunities and what choices will come tomorrow.
I had a friend in college, at that school in Fresno that you visited with me about a year ago... Sidney. He was from what was Rhodesia at the time, now Zimbabwe. This was the fall and winter of 1976, and there was a guerrilla civil war going on in his country. I don't know the politics or details of the war, but he was very concerned about his family and especially a younger brother who he feared was getting caught up in it.
Part of Sydney wanted to go back to Rhodesia to try to help his family however he could, but he didn't go. He stayed in school because he believed that completing his education and developing his potential in that way would allow him to help his people in even more important ways in the future.
Probably for you right now, this is a time for learning and preparing yourself for future work. It's not an all or nothing deal, necessarily. When you pay attention to the people that you meet walking home from school, you're giving to them of yourself. And that seems like a very appropriate time to be doing that. During your free time when you're done with your work for the day. Getting all those rainbow stains.
Then there's the whole 'kill myself' part of your post. I'm going to need more time to get to that part. But for starters, Dads don't want to see 'kill myself' as a subject on their daughters' blogs. ;-) But they sure like to see their daughters thinking about stuff that matters.
I also have insightful things to say and help to offer, i just dont want to write it right now so meh.
ReplyDeleteTake it easy nugget, dont kill yourself or i'll kill you.